So depending upon her nature, a woman can either make her house a Jannah (Paradise) or even worse than hell….

In old age,women often tend to lose their patience and scold children,their daughters or their daughter in laws.Most girls assume their mother in laws to be harsh and some even call them Dracula, but if we observe closely then we’ll come to know that they possess a loving heart.Its just the age factor and few other factors that make them sound strict and harsh. We should never judge a book by its cover.If one’s mother in law sounds really harsh or always sarcastic, even then a girl should always respect her, take good care of her and spend her energies in making her happy(coz it’s a difficult task).Most importantly she should consider her as her own mother and behave accordingly.

Allah says “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind (Ihsan) to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.” [Al-Quran 17:23]

“Your lord has decreed that you worship non but him and show kindness to parents. If one or both reach old age with you then do not say uff! To them nor repulse them, but speak graciously to them” [Al-Quranl 17:23]

The most important thing of all is she should always remain silent and never rebuke.A girl who is willing to make her house a really peaceful place should sacrifice a bit by making silence a policy in front of her mother in law. In this way she also pleases Allah and will get immense reward for her patience.

Allah says: ”Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full,without reckoning” [Al-Quran 39:10]

”And verily,whosoever shows patience and forgives,that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah” [Al-Quran 42:43]

It has also been observed that many girls who are polite, and behave well towards their mother in law are often loved greatly by their husbands.On the other hand if there are always fights going on in any house, man gets disturbed and it affects him so he seeks a solution for this problem and may also end up in divorcing her.

Sometimes its also seen that men become their wives servants and forsake their mothers. That is extremely unethical,immoral and displeases Allah greatly.So men should keep balance b/w the two and should always keep in mind that its just coz of their mothers that they have attained this much height so a new  woman to a family shouldn’t make him forget the old one; Because ”OLD IS ALWAYS GOLD”. Moreover by displeasing Allah no can please others.

Allah says in Quran: “O humankind! Be in awe of your Lord and Sustainer, He who created you all from a single soul, and created from it its mate, and from the two of them brought forth many men and women. Be in awe of Allah and of the wombs (that bore you). Surely Allah is watching over you”. [Al-Quran 4:1]

Narrated by Aisha Umm al-Muminin: “I asked the Prophet (sas): Who has the greatest right over a woman?  He (sas) said:her husband  .  I said:  And who has the greatest right over a man?  He (sas) said:his mother .” (Al-Haakim – taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah)

In another hadith  it has  been reported by Abu Huraira:

I asked, “Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?” He replied, “Your mother.” I asked, “Then whom?” He replied, “Your mother.” I asked, “Then whom?” He replied, “Your mother.” I asked, “Then whom?” He replied, “Your mother.” I asked, “Then to whom should I be dutiful?” He replied, “Your father,and then the next closest relative and then the next.”…..(Saheeh Muslim)

Unfortunately where materialism and liberalism has affected the non-Muslims, it has not left Muslims unaffected,especially our women,who have lost their ability to think in their attempts to gain temporary pleasures of this world. They love to imitate the kuffar (Non-Muslims) and violate laws set by Allah. Many are negligent in their duties towards Islam.

A Muslim woman who wishes to gain Allah’s acceptance, should always make efforts to please Allah. She should always keep in her mind the Jannah and rewards that Allah has promised for believing women.

She should avoid rivalry and disputes with her mother in law by staying tolerant and ignore her short comings. This can happen if she starts loving her for the sake of Allah.And Allah loves those who love others for His sake. Thinking about worldly comforts and interests might jeopardize her position among Allah’s blessed slaves. She should remain wise and  totally reject the idea of bartering this transitory life for the eternal one.

Allah says in Quarn: “Verily! As for those who believe and do righteous deeds, certainly! We shall not suffer to be lost the reward of anyone who does his (righteous) deeds in the most perfect manner”. [Al-Quran 18:30]

This doesn’t mean that i am supporting those mother in laws who harass or physically or mentally torture their daughter in laws. Allah Almighty is very merciful and just. If a woman’s survival becomes difficult due to extreme cruelty of her mother in law and she believes that she can’t bear or compromise, then Islam has given her a right to ask for khula. If any couple fails to live in harmony then they can separate.

Allah says: “If the efforts for settlement are unsuccessful then you may separate in accordance with the instructions given by Allah Almighty . Do not let the fear of being left without provision become a hurdle in separation. The Divine System will provide for you in abundance. Allah Almighty is Bountiful and Wise. [Al-Quran 4:130]

Another important thing that contributes to a happy life, which most women ignore is to remain silent in front of their husbands. There are some who keep on complaining about their circumstances as a consequence many men out of desperation seek unlawful haraam (forbiddened) sources of income and in this way prepare themselves and their husbands to be the fuel of hell fire. In this case too,its all about being patient and silent. Much could be overcome if only women possess these qualities.

It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar that the Holy Prophet (May be upon him) said A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust. (Sahih Muslim)

Our history is full of women of character,the women of Jannah. The Ummahaat and their dedication towards Islam,their patience and their dislike for the worldly goods.

Hazrat Asmaa Bint Abu Bakr  a noble woman,daughter of a rich man, at the time when she got married to Hazrat Zubair,he had only a horse and was very poor .She faced all hardships with patience and was thankful to Allah.

She reported: “az-Zubair (Ibn al-`Awwam, the cousin of the Prophet Mohammad, through his aunt) married me. He had neither wealth, slave or anything else like it, except a camel (to get water) and a horse. I used to graze his horse, [provide fodder to it and look after it, and ground dates for his camel. Besides this, I grazed the camel], made arrangements for providing [it with] water and patched up [his] leather bucket and kneaded the flour. But I was not proficient in baking the bread, so my female neighbors used to bake bread for me [and they were sincere women]. And I used to carry on my head the stones (seeds) of the d~tes from az-Zubair’s land which Allaah’s Messenger  had endowed him, and it was at a distance of two miles (from Madinah).

To make her home filled with love,peace and Allah’s blessing a woman should compromise and do everything in her power to prevent the destruction of her married life.

Therefore in many cases silence is the best policy- women should inculcate this

[About Author: This Article has been authored by Sister Nadhra Salman, who is a devout and practicing Muslim Woman. She is an active writer on Islam and conveys the message of Islam through her writings.]

Thats not Hijab!

Hijab is not a piece of cloth on our head. It’s a way of life.

These days we see some of our sisters cover their head in the name of Hijaab and they think that the requirement of Hijaab is fulfilled. But they fail to realize that wearing a Hijaab requires much more than just covering the head. In fact, if you think about it, you will realize that its the way we talk, the way we walk, the way we carry ourselves. Hijaab is an attitude in itself indeed. It’s the whole way of life.

Allah says in An-Nur (Light), Surah 24:31: “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.”

Let’s discuss some of the common issues faced in the light of this verse about the Hijaab.

I am covering my head, what else you want me to do?

Well, if you look carefully at the ayah, it clearly states that the head covers (khumur) should be drawn over the neck slits (juyoob). Khumur is the plural of the Arabic word “khimar” which means a headcover. Juyoob is the plural of the Arabic word “jaiyb”, which refers to the neck slit (of the dress).

Still, we see that some of our sisters only cover their head with something, and they think that they are fulfilling the rights of Hijaab, even though part of their hair or body is showing. In fact their whole neck and chest area are exposed. This was actually the way of the women of Jahilliyah.

Al-Qurtubi said: “Women in those days used to cover their heads with the khimar, throwing its ends upon their backs. This left the neck and the upper part of the chest bare, along with the ears. Then Allah commanded them to cover those parts with the khimar.”

So wrap the scarf well around the face which covers the whole neck and the chest area and please keep those half sleeves and capri pants for your Mahrams.

Ah ah!! Keep those tight jeans and short shirts aside please

If you want to wear a tight jeans and a cool short shirt with a piece of cloth on your head and think that this is Hijaab then you are highly mistaken. Nor can you wear anything else that is tight and describes the whole shape of your body in whatever way, even if it is long it is not permissible.

The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “In later (generations) of my ummah there will be women who will be dressed but naked. On top of their heads (what looks) like camel humps. They will not enter into paradise or (even) get a smell of it.” (Muslim)

If it is transparent, its NOT Hijaab

We cannot use chiffon or any other material that is transparent to cover our hair and body. every part of the body must be covered and the color of the skin underneath should not be visible.

The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) once received a thick garment as a gift. He gave it to Osamah b. Zayd, who in turn gave it to his wife. When asked by the Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) why he did not wear it, Osamah indicated that he gave it to his wife. The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) then said to Osamah “ask her to use a “gholalah” under it (the garment) for I fear that it (the garment) may describe the size of her bones.” (Ahmad, Abi-Dawood)

(The word gholalah in Arabic means a thick fabric worn under the dress to prevent it from describing the shape of the body).

No heads should turn to see the Hijaab you are wearing

Your Hijaab should not attract any attention. The dress should not be such that it attracts men’s attention to the woman’s beauty. Allah SWT clearly mentions “not to display their beauty (zeenah).” Yet, SubhanAllaah, some Hijaabi sisters are dressed in such a way that they attract more attention to themselves than they would if they didn’t wear Hijaab. How can the purpose of Hijaab be accomplished if the dress is designed in such a way that it attracts men’s eyes towards the woman? It beats the whole point of wearing Hijaab.

Allah says in Al-Ahzaab Surah 33:33: “And stay quietly in your houses, and make not a dazzling display, like that of the former Times of Ignorance……”

What difference does it make if I wear little make-up and perfume!!!

Well, it does make a lot of difference. Wearing makeup is also part of zeenah which Allah orders us NOT to display. So if your head and body is properly covered and yet you are wearing a bright lipstick with dark eyeliner so that people confuse between you and a raccoon then that’s not Hijaab. And keep those nice fragrances to be used at home between you and your husband. That’s part of Hijaab too, even if you are going to the Masjid.

The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who puts on perfume and passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance, is an adulteress.” (al-Nasaa’i, Tirmidhi: hasan by Albaani)

Tinkling Jewelry and Jingling bracelets

Any kind of loud and tinkling piece such as jewelry, bracelets, clip-clopping shoes, little bells on clothes, anything that jingles or makes noise is against the principles of Hijaab. Why? Its simple because it attracts attention to the one wearing it. That is what is meant when Allaah orders us in the above verse…“not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments.”

He is just a friend!! What if I talk a little

No joking, laughing or hanging out with any of the non-Mahrams. Some sisters believe that it is okay for them to sit around talk, laugh, joke, etc with any of the non-Mahram brothers if they are properly covered. But that is not right, even if that person is ‘the Shaikh’.

Allah says in Al-Ahzaab Surah 33:32: “…..then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honorable manner.”

So whenever you speak with a non-Mahram talk to them when there is a specific need and in a manner that is not necessarily rude, yet is polite and firm.

I wasn’t staring I was just checking him out

This is NOT Hijaab. Staring or gazing at the brothers or simply checking them out is also not a part of Hijaab. Allah has commanded us to “lower your gaze” in the above verse. Why? Because a single look can say more than a million words. Even though you are properly covered make sure that you keep those eyes down and conduct yourself with ‘Hayaa’, and avoid ‘fitnah’.

Chatting on the internet or over the phone is not a part of Hijaab

There is no concept of friendship between a guy and a gal. Talking to non-Mahrams is wrong even if it is through internet or phone. There are too many stories of illegal relationships, fornications, broken homes, extra-marital affairs and runaway brides to even mention. That is the basic reason why in Islam anything that leads to haraam is also haraam.

Allah says in Al-Isra Surah 17:32: “Do not (even) come close to fornication, for it is an indecency, and its way is evil.”

Don’t walk as if you are walking on the ramp

Remember you are not a model displaying the latest fashion in town. Walk with modesty and hayaa and you will be respected. The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell that I have not seen yet….women who are clothed yet naked, walking with an enticing gait…..” (Muslim).

No shaking hands with non-Mahram

It is not permissible to shake hands with any non-Mahram as the Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” (at-Tabaraani saheeh by al-Albaani).
Don’t think that it will be rude to refuse to shake hands with non-Muslims. Simply say that it’s a part of your religion and they are very understanding.

Stay away from men’s areas

Most of the time we encounter that the sisters enter the Masjid through the men’s entrance or stand idle in the hallways or where there are chances of unnecessary mixing with the brothers. Why is that needed when we have separate entrance for ourselves? The basic idea behind Hijaab is to avoid fitnah by reducing temptation and separating the genders.

“The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said to the women on his way out of the mosque when he saw men and women mixing together on their way home: ‘Give way (i.e., walk to the sides) as it is not appropriate for you to walk in the middle the road.’ Thereafter, women would walk so close to the wall that their dresses would get caught on it.” (Abu Dawood)

Hijaab is not just to cover ourselves it is also to conceal our sisters

Even though some sisters wear Hijaab themselves, they forget that they cannot talk about another sister and explains her beauty in front of their own husbands, brothers, etc. don’t forget, a part of Hijaab is to cover your fellow sister’s awrah as well.

The Prophet (Blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should mix with a woman and describe her to her husband so that it is as if he can see her.”  (Muslim)